my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
