he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
