He is such a slut. More and more my type.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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