Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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