I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
