My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
