There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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