i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
third nipple confirmed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
