I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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