Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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