The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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