THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
