i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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