I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I did not marry a roomba.
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