sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
