Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
