in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
