You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize