I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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