Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize