My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
