What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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