Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
