I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
