I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
