if you like me you must not know who I am
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
