So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
