weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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