Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
