I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
