you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
