I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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