My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
