you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
