wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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