What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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