It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We just shotgunned beers for America
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
