2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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