I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Randomize
