Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
