Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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