Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
