My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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