I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
