Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
