I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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