the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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