just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
