my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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