Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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