i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
