I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
