Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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