Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
