That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
