So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well you can't waste a boner
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Too much gin, very little bucket
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
