Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
her vagine was all disorganized.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
