So gin and wine won't be happening again
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
