You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
