So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
