You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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