how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
