I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
