xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
