I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
