The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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